•. SAMUEL / SAM LOTUS .•
age: 23 - 25 (storyline dependent)
birthday: october 31st
sexuality: pansexual
pronouns: he / him (ftm)
height: 5’8
eye color: blue
hair color: brown ( sometimes dyed )multiship, multiverse, fandomless / shameless verse SMUT WITH STRONG CHEMISTRY
•. BACKSTORY .•TW: MENTIONS OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE, PAST TRAUMA / ABUSE, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION DIAGNOSIS, BIPOLAR DIAGNOSIS, POOR FOSTER CARE, CIGARETTE USE
samuel was born into an abusive home alongside his twin brother gray. sam was soon put into a separate foster home than gray at a young age, not remembering much about his brother. he hopped from different homes until he settled into the right one, where he was free to be who he wanted to be…he started off surrounding himself with a bad group of people, using stronger substances to forget most of his past. he’d act irrationally, sometimes going off the grid for a while, skipping school, getting caught smoking weed behind the school. it never ended with him.he later on came out as trans and he was fully supported by his friends and family. well, some of his friends. that bad crowd didn’t like the thought of sam transitioning and tried to convince him that he was just a “tomboy” that “it was just a phase.” but sam knew the truth. after paying off his debts to his dealers, he tried getting sober…while going through his transition he was diagnosed with many different things. starting with anxiety, then depression, then later on it was bipolar. not that he knew, but gray had the same issues as him. if only he could talk to his sibling about it.sam’s bipolar got so bad that he needed to be put on meds, his family later getting him a service dog. sam treasured that dog more than life itself. he would kill for that dog if he had to. however when his best friend nilan had disappeared, he had spiraled mentally. he stopped taking his meds and went into a severe manic episode that caused him to go to the hospital. when he got back, he was more reserved and quiet. but his dog helped him center himself often. but there were times where his depression was so bad that he’d barely eat food. he refused to. but once he started taking his meds again, slowly getting better, he’d eat food, slowly working himself up to full meals. something that he found major comfort in, was drumming. it got his stress and anxiety out most of the time, whenever the adrenaline would build up when thinking about nilan or getting flashes from his past, he’d go to his drum kit his adoptive parents had gotten him. he would play until his hands bled. his parents would have to come and take him off the kit to get him to get some sleep. this would be an important outlet through high school for him.once he graduated high school, he started going to college for art and music production. but the work was far too stressful so he dropped out and picked up streaming. at first he started off faceless due to his anxiety, but then he grew comfortable enough with his audience he ended up showing his face more. he treasured his audience and their endless support. sam had later on found out about gray through his audience’s help, slowly remembering all the memories the two went through together, although traumatic, he remembered gray trying to protect him endlessly until they were inevitably separated. sam always asked his chat if he should reach out to gray, but it was always undecided.on a rare occasion sam would be seen on stream smoking a cigarette, or weed, it sometimes eased his anxiety, at least he thought the cigarettes helped, although they don’t in reality. it was just a nervous habit, same as his brother.by the age 19 sammy had moved out of his adoptive parents’ home and got an apartment with someone he befriended through streaming, jack. jack became another best friend to him and the two were so close. jack knew anytime sammy would forget to take his meds because he’d see sammy start to spiral, and so he’d help take care of him. and he’d often worry about sammy when leaving for a couple days. but he’d always check in.one day, sammy had heard a knock on his apartment door, sammy asking if jack was expecting anyone and jack said no. and so both of them approached the door, and opened it to reveal nilan, sammy absolutely losing it, clinging to his best friend like his life depended on it. nilan and jack also became closer, nilan thanking him for watching over sammy. and the three are now a close trio. jack and nilan are sammy’s best friends.
•.¸♡ HEAD CANONS ♡¸.•TW: MENTION OF SUBSTANCE ABUSE, PAST TRAUMA / ABUSE, ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION, ISOLATION, SEXUAL ASSAULT
★• sam grew up on the better side of town, not knowing that him and gray grew up close together until his audience helped find gray.★• sam does listen to gray’s music from time to time after finding out about them. it helps him feel more connected to his sibling.★• sam tends to isolate whenever he feels like he may act out. whenever he does, he tends to smoke more cigarettes or smoke weed.★• sam sometimes struggles to stay sober after going through what he did. foster care was harsh to him until he finally settled with the lotus family.★• sam does struggle with PTSD from his biological parents’ abuse. he gets nightmares sometimes because of what he had gone through.★• sam tends to become overly protective over those he gains a connection with, if he becomes closer to someone he keeps them safe as much as possible.★• sam tends to get severe anxiety attacks if he gets triggered from the abuse. he luckily keeps himself distracted more often now, but in the past they used to be so bad that he got his service dog.★• sam has wondered about how his biological family is doing. he’s done some research on them, and has done research on gray.★• he has a secret place in town, where he just smashes things to get out his frustrations and anger, this was before his meds.★• whenever sam goes through a depressive episode, he stays quiet and has lack of energy. he keeps to himself as much as he can.★• sam will sometimes draw to let out his frustrations or anxieties. it helps ease his worries most of the time.★• he’s much sweeter than gray is on a normal basis. gray has a bitter attitude towards the world, meanwhile since sam was given a safer and better home he’s thankful for what he was given.★• he’s willing to be vulnerable in front of those he cares about, he’s been vulnerable in front of his audience before. he likes being authentic and real, he doesn’t like putting up a mask.★• he checks up on those he cares about frequently. he makes sure they drink water, have food, rest well, etcetera.★• [ SHAMELESS VERSE ] sam has visited the alibi before, being mistaken for gray only for him to say he just looks like him. kev and sam have had a more serious talk about it, but kev was sworn to secrecy. sam doesn’t think gray is ready for the truth yet.★• there was a point in time where sammy had gotten extremely drunk at a party and a guy kept giving him attention. sammy was happy that someone actually found him attractive, but just couldn’t think straight. and so the guy led sammy to a room, beginning to undress him. when nilan and jack couldn’t find sammy, they had sprinted up the stairs, kicking in doors before finding the right one and they rushed over, nilan yanking the guy off of sammy. jack helped sammy dress again, and the two left with sammy. nilan and jack held off on telling sammy about this due to him not fully remembering, and once he was told, he was mortified.★• sammy now can’t go to parties without nilan, jack, or both of them. it’s why he gets anxiety at parties most of the time.★• sammy is pretty insecure about how he looks. it’s part of why he started streaming without showing his face. he was afraid people would think he was ugly, and when he finally showed his face the support of his audience gave him some confidence. but some days are better than others.★• although most of the time he shows himself as a bubbly and energetic person on stream, he’s afraid that people only like that side of him and don’t love him for the real him. although he’s been open about his struggles on stream, he doesn’t show his meltdowns or manic episodes. and he feels if he did do that, his audience would just leave him.★• he feels like he just has far too much baggage for anyone to handle. he feels like he just isn’t lovable due to his trauma and mental illness.★• sammy was a drummer in high school, was even in a couple bands. he’d play until his hands bled. he doesn’t play much anymore but whenever he has an opportunity on a drum kit, he has the best time of his life.